When Joe Biden was elected as President of the United States, many people have breathed a sigh of relief, feeling that a Biden presidency is going to solve many of their problems. While it will certainly eliminate much of the unnecessary discord and inflammatory rhetoric coming from such a high position of authority, other things can take time, and ultimately change bringing about the healing of differences must come from the people themselves.

 

The hierarchal concept of "us vs. them" is a primal mindset based on survival. It is a normal part of the unevolved animal kingdom, and humans adopted this out of a survival fear as well. But this sets up a never-ending cycle of competition, rivalry, and division, broken up only by moments of collaboration and unity - typically due to tragic circumstances or the facing of an even greater threat.

 

Regardless of what "side" someone is on when it comes to things like politics or religion, the idea that everything will be ok if we can only beat/defeat the "others" or have them conform to our own beliefs is nothing more than an expression of support for mental, emotional, spiritual, and sometimes even physical imprisonment, on one side or both.

 

There are some things on which people will never agree. It would be impossible to force others to adopt a belief system and expect that this would somehow solve conflicts among us.

 

This is not to say that people shouldn't stand up for their beliefs and advocate for the advancement of what is for the higher good. After all, this is one of the ways society evolves. But it's important to clarify that it is not necessary, nor useful, to put oneself above or in front of another in order to do this.

 

We have all heard the saying "you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar." But kindness brought forth solely for the purpose of personal gain is still a version of "us vs. them." And while even genuine kindness might be dismissed, ignored, or even ridiculed, what we must realize is that the ultimate goal is not necessarily to get what you want but to come to an understanding of one another.

 

In order to do this, one must disengage from the traditional model of hierarchy and instead seek an order of heterarchy. While the heterarchal model can still have leaders and guides, the overall objective is always something that serves the whole rather than one person/group or another. It is the instilling of law and order that benefits the whole rather than one person or sect's law and order that benefits themselves over others.

 

The ability to begin to understand others, particularly those with strongly opposing beliefs, begins with us as individuals. You must step out of your own fear-based energies of anger, intolerance, and self-righteousness and open your heart. You must decide to allow space for ideas other than your own to simply exist. You must put away your desire to convince someone to change their mind. You must never seek to push them down while listening.

 

The point of listening is to demonstrate care and value for the person, not the idea or belief. You must separate the two, detach your own judgments, and listen fully and intently.

 

Understanding typically involves asking questions rather than making statements. If you have successfully separated the person from their belief in your mind and heart, you can ask the person things such as why an idea or belief is important to them, what kind of outcome they would like to see and why, or where their beliefs came from.

 

The purpose is to discover the true nature of the person so that you can come to an appreciation - not necessarily and advocacy, just an appreciation - for why they think and feel the way they do.

 

Understanding is not about condoning ideas, beliefs, or actions that do not serve the greater good. But it is a necessary step for healing division and working toward a society that functions as a whole while still having its differences. Teamwork isn't just something for those with like-minded ideas and beliefs. It is a vital component of human evolution, including mine and yours, in everything from the family unit to cooperation between countries.

 

Yes, that person you can't stand is part of your greater whole. Liking someone is not the same as seeking to understand them. You don't have to invite someone into your inner circle to seek understanding.

 

The desire to work toward something that moves us forward as a whole people, the world over, is really the only path toward true security and freedom. And it starts with making attempts to understand one another - not just tolerate - but to wish to truly understand. Only then can we begin to soften and become available for something greater, for ourselves and others.

 

If you want your world to be better; if you want to see a better societal whole, where humanity seeks to thrive in harmony, it must include the desire to understand one another. And the ability to do this ultimately begins with truly understanding yourself.

 

How will you show up today? Who will you decide to be? What will you learn about yourself? It all begins with you...